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Talking to your teen about nicotine products
Maybe you’ve found something in their pocket. Maybe it’s a gut feeling. Or maybe you just want to make sure they can come to you if it ever comes up. When you’re worried your teen might be vaping, smoking or using nicotine pouches, it can be hard to know how or when to bring it up. You don’t need the perfect words just a calm moment and a willingness to listen.
Before You Begin
Avoid starting the conversation in the heat of the moment, especially if you’ve just found something like a vape in their room. Try to take a moment and a few deep breaths. The calmer you feel, the easier it will be for your teen to feel safe and open. Find opportunities where you’re both relaxed, in the car, on a walk, or while doing something together like cooking. When talking about this stuff, it helps to avoid direct eye contact. Sitting side by side can feel less intense.
Preparing for the conversation
It helps to know a bit about the facts before you speak with your child. You don’t need to become an expert. Just a few key points will help you feel more confident.
- Vapes, pouches and cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive especially for teenagers, whose brains are still developing.
- Nicotine affects attention, memory, mood and mental health. It can make anxiety feel worse over time, even if it feels calming in the moment.
- Just one puff can be enough to start a cycle of cravings and withdrawal. Some young people find themselves reaching for it every day before they even realise it.
- These products are not being used to quit smoking. Most teens who vape never smoked at all. This is often a new addiction, not a replacement.
Flavours, social media trends and peer pressure are powerful. Young people are being targeted and sold something addictive in ways that feel normal or fun.
You are not overreacting. These products are designed to be addictive. That is why your support matters so much.
If you're not sure but want to open the conversation
You don’t have to wait for a crisis to talk. Some of the most helpful chats happen before anything has gone wrong, when you’re just checking in or giving your child space to talk.
You could say:
“Vaping’s in the news a lot lately, have people been talking about it at school?”
“I saw something about nicotine pouches and thought, I don’t even really understand what they are do you?”
“I know this stuff is everywhere now. I just want you to know you can always talk to me about it, no judgement.”
It’s okay to be honest about not knowing everything. What matters most is showing that you’re open, interested, and ready to listen if they ever want to talk.
If they tell you they’ve tried it
This is a big moment. Your first job is to keep them feeling safe. Even if your heart sinks, take a breath and thank them for their honesty. “Trying something does not make you bad. You are still you and we are all human. We can talk about it and figure out what happens next.”
You don’t need to jump into solutions. Just stay curious, calm and open.
“What made you want to try it?”
“Was it just once or has it happened more than that?”
“Do your friends use them too?”
“How did it make you feel?”
If you found a vape but they haven’t said anything
If you’ve seen something, it’s okay to bring it up directly. Again don’t bring it up in the heat of the moment, and avoid making it sound like an accusation. Let them know you’ve noticed something and you want to understand. You can be honest without sounding harsh. Say what you’ve seen and give them a chance to respond.
Be ready for them to go quiet or act annoyed. That doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. It often means they are worried or unsure what to say. Give them time. If they don’t want to talk right away, let them know the door is open and they can come back to it later. This is not a one-time conversation. It’s a process.
They might say:
If your child says something that catches you off guard try not to panic. This is a clue about what is going on underneath.
“It helps me feel calm.”
You can say something like, “That makes sense. I know things can feel heavy sometimes. It might feel like it helps in the moment, but nicotine can make stress worse over time. I’d love to help you find something that actually works and keeps you well.” Share experiences about when you have been stressed and how you have coped to help them see that this doesn’t have to be the solution.
“Everyone at school does it.”
You may say something like, “It might feel that way, especially if people are doing it in the toilets or outside. But not everyone is using. I want you to make choices that are right for you.” Again there may be experiences here you can share from when you was in school and friends may have been smoking, perhaps you tried it yourself.
What if they get angry, defensive or shut down?
This happens a lot. They might feel caught out, embarrassed or overwhelmed. Try not to take it personally. This is not about you. It’s about them not feeling ready or safe in that moment.
You can say that you can pause and talk another time. You can remind them that nothing they say will change how much you love them. Even if they walk away or push back, the way you respond now can shape how they come back to you later. Stay calm. Let it settle. Come back gently tomorrow or next week if needed.
If you smoke or vape too
You might wonder if you can really talk about nicotine when you use it yourself.
But your experience doesn’t make you a hypocrite it makes you human. You understand what nicotine does. You know how it feels to rely on something, to try to quit, or to use it to cope. That honesty matters more than being perfect.
If your child asks, “Why do you do it then?”, it’s okay to tell the truth in a way that helps them think:
“It’s something I started a long time ago, and I’ve found it hard to stop.”
“I don’t love that I use it, that’s why I want something different for you.”
After the conversation
No matter how the first conversation goes, the most important thing is to keep the door open. If you’ve found something, or they’ve admitted they use the products, them know this is not about being told off. It’s about being supported.
The next day or later that week, check in again. You can say you’ve been thinking about what they said. You can ask how they’re feeling. You can offer help if they want to stop.
If they say they’re not ready to quit, you can still stay close. A Make sure they know that quitting is hard but it’s never too late and they don’t have to do it alone.
You can point them to support like Help Me Quit Wales, or to speak to someone they trust at school or in their wider family.
Need Extra Help?
Click here to read our advice on supporting your teen to quit. Or visit Help Me Quit Wales. Help Me Quit offers free, confidential support for young people aged 12 and up. Call 0800 085 2219 or visit www.helpmequit.wales.