Laura Mochan was just 13 years old when she smoked her first cigarette. She quickly become addicted and later smoked up to 60 cigarettes a day as an adult. She was encouraged by her nine-year-old son to quit the habit last January and says that giving up has changed her life. To mark No Smoking Day 2021 and to inspire other smokers to quit, she tells us her story:
I started smoking when I was just 13yrs of age. Sadly, as with generations before, this was ‘cool’ in front of my friends at the park and at the back of school near the toilets. You stood out as an oddball if you didn’t smoke. It was the last thing I needed; being a teenager was hard enough as it was. I didn’t like the taste, the smell or the fear of my parents finding out. But it didn’t stop me. I now have massive regrets… I wish I had never even touched one, let alone smoked one.
I started buying a pack of ten every other day. This quickly led to 20 a day (it didn’t take long to become addicted). I pretty much went through the rest of my teens and 20s on one pack a day, but I hit my 30s and life turned pretty stressful. My husband and I found out we were both infertile and our only chance of having a family was IVF . Months of tests and fertility treatments followed. I was pretty much making my way through 30 cigarettes a day by that point.
Then we finally got pregnant with twins. I immediately wanted to stop smoking, but I couldn’t do it. I felt incredible guilt and I tried so hard, but I couldn’t. I did manage to get my habit down to around four or five a day. We then lost our son’s twin and the fight against increasing my habit weakened.
Soon after our son was born, I was smoking at least 20 a day – quickly up to 30 a day. A year later and our marriage broke down, I had PND, I was made redundant soon after, and our son had awful problems with colic and reflux and a very poor sleeping pattern. I was then getting through 40 cigarettes a day. It stayed that way for about 18 months until I found a new job and our son settled. I was down to around 15 to 20 cigarettes a day then (sometimes less).
Then, I lost both of my parents, two aunts, a cousin and our sixteen year old dog all in the space of five years after that. I easily smoked 40 to 60 cigarettes a day through this period. It was that or start drinking – even a prescription drug was on the table, but smoking helped just enough.
When 2019 came around it was three years since the last of the loss we suffered. I was comfortably smoking 15 to 20 a day. A few days before Christmas, my then nine-year-old son asked me to stop smoking, telling me it was an awful thing… smelly and very dangerous. He didn’t like that I would come in from the back garden ‘smelling like a dead animal’. I did feel guilty, and I seriously considered giving up (I had pondered it a few times, but I never truly properly tried).
I told him I would try… ‘Yes, absolutely… I will definitely stop soon’ I told him. He asked if I’d stop for Christmas and I heartily agreed.
Christmas came and went and nothing was mentioned. Thank God, I thought. And then two days before New Year’s Eve came around and he asked me again, only this time he made me promise. The kid didn’t even blink: “I don’t want you to die, mammy. Please stop doing it because it kills people and kids don’t have parents anymore.” My heart nearly burst; I had never seen him so solemn. Before I knew what I was doing, I made a promise to him that I would stop for the New Year. I meant it – I was going to try my best, anyway.
New Year’s Eve and I smoked my ‘last’ cigarette around 11pm. The next morning, I was up the shop by 11am buying 20. I felt awful, the guilt was horrendous. I smoked one after the other on the way down from the shop. Two chewing gums and a hefty dose of body spray later and I was alright. I spent a few days like this, hiding out the back or down around the corner of the street to smoke. I had even made a big declaration on social media that I was giving up for New Year. I felt like a failure, which ironically made me smoke more.
The morning of the 5th of January 2020… he caught me. I quickly crept back in from the garden and he was standing there staring at me. I felt so sick. He started crying. Oh my God that look he gave me before the tears came, I will never forget it. And that was that.
I smoked my last cigarette early evening that day and I haven’t smoked since. I don’t break promises to my little boy, but I suddenly had, and it ruined me more than him. I did it cold turkey. My friend bought me patches, but they really didn’t do much to help.
The cravings were very intense for the first three or four days. I had the shakes, I was sweating, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think straight. It was really hard, there is no denying that, but it wasn’t uncontrollable; I didn’t feel ill or depressed or have any major concerns etc. I just felt dreadful and drained – and desperate for a smoke. Three weeks later and the intensity had halved. Yes, I absolutely still craved one, but it wasn’t the only thing on my mind anymore. I was sleeping better, not shaking as much, my appetite was better than ever. Three months later and it was significantly easier again. The urge to smoke was popping in to my head at random times as opposed to with a coffee, after food, while I was on the phone, feeling stressed (they had been the worst times for cravings).
I was asked what I did to help with the cravings… I busied myself, popped a sweet in my mouth, a chunk of carrot or plum tomato or red pepper (I eat a lot healthier since I gave up, too). The cravings still come 14 months on, but they are few and far between now. It’s MUCH easier than it was to deal with and they last just a few moments before they’re gone. There have been a couple of times (on bad days) where I have struggled, but there is no way I will go backwards now.
It’s March 4th, 2021 now… 424 days, approximately 10,176 hours since I last smoked a cigarette. I also worked out that based on just 20 a day (sometimes more), I have saved an incredible £4282 – in a year and two months!? I honestly cannot tell you how I afforded to spend that on cigarettes?? It’s absolutely crazy!
I worked out the savings since quitting, and how much I could save by Christmas this year if I started actually saving £10 a day in a jar. It isn’t easy! I cannot justify taking a tenner out of the cashpoint every day just to put in a jar where it can’t be used. I am determined to do it, though: I managed to hand over that £10 a day to the tills in Tesco or the local corner shop… so this is no different – other than the fact that by December 1st (traditionally when I begin Christmas shopping), I will have £2750 to spend on gifts. I know it will be hard to take money out (that I can’t actually afford to take out!) to put in a jar, but like I said, I did it for YEARS, so…
I’ve come so far and worked so hard to get to where I am. I am smoke free, my lungs – while still damaged to an extent – no longer have to fight the effects of inhaling poison and the next few years will see my risk of heart disease and lung disease and Cancers of all sorts decrease dramatically. This by itself is reason enough to keep going.
Giving up smoking has had a knock on effect because I now know that I am way more capable than I thought. Taking yourself away from an addictive drug is not easy, not at all, and you have to want to stop. That was one of the barriers for me, looking back. My son was my inspiration, but looking at what actually goes in to a cigarette and the damage it can quickly do to your organs (some of it is irreparable) was a real eye opener. To think I willingly inhaled deadly poison for 30 years is mind bending to me now. Never again. I wanted to stop and I still do. I am very proud of myself for it.
My advice to smoking thinking of quitting is that you have to want to stop so looking up the ingredients of a cigarette is a good place to start. Then do a little research into the diseases and the multiple horrifying ways in which smoking can destroy your organs and soft issues. Think about the people who need you to be fit and healthy; most of us have at least someone who needs us, depends on us, loves us. I will add that I can taste my food better and that is a good thing as I learned to really enjoy food for a few months after I quit. I am two stone heavier but I can lose that weight – if I can give up smoking I can lose a little weight no problem! I am now at a point where I can say ‘If I can give up smoking, I can do anything I put my mind to’. And it feels great. Even my mindset has changed and is more positive.
I will leave you with this. I have no will power. I rarely finish projects I start, I am annoyingly indecisive and I can be a real dizzy minx, so if I can give up smoking absolutely anyone can. Think of the people who need you and think of the money you have already wasted. Then think of what you are going to do with the huge savings you’ll make.
