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Talking To Your Teen About Smoking or Vaping
When you’re worried about your child using vapes, cigarettes or nicotine pouches, it can feel hard to know where to start. You might feel unsure what to say or scared you’ll make things worse.
But you’re not alone. You don’t have to get everything right. What matters most is showing your child that you care, and that you’re ready to listen. This guide will help you feel more confident, supported and prepared for a calm, honest conversation.
Before You Begin
Try to take a moment for yourself first. Take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is about connection, not control. The calmer you feel, the easier it will be for your child to feel safe and open. Avoid starting the conversation in the heat of the moment, especially if you’ve just found something like a vape in their room.
Preparing for the conversation
It helps to know a bit about the facts before you speak with your child. You don’t need to become an expert. Just a few key points will help you feel more confident.
These products often contain nicotine, which is highly addictive.
Nicotine affects brain development in children and teenagers. It can impact attention, learning, memory and mood.
Just one vape can be enough to start an addiction.
Most young people are not using these products to quit smoking. They are being drawn into something new, often because of flavours, curiosity or peer pressure.
You are not overreacting. These products are designed to be addictive. That is why your support matters so much.
Choose your moment
Don’t start mid-argument, or just before bed. Choose a time when things feel settled. Maybe in the car, on a walk, or while doing something together like cooking or folding laundry. It helps to avoid direct eye contact. Sitting side by side can feel less intense for a child or teen.
Initiating the Conversation
You might say:
“I’ve been reading about vaping and how common it is in schools. I wanted to ask what it’s like in your school.”
“If vaping or anything like that ever comes up, I want you to know you can always talk to me about it. I won’t get cross. I’ll listen.”
“I’ve noticed a few things lately and thought it was a good time for us to talk. You’re not in trouble. I just want to understand what’s going on.”
If they tell you they’ve tried it
This is a big moment. Your first job is to keep them feeling safe. Even if your heart sinks, take a breath and thank them for their honesty.
“Thank you for telling me. I really mean that. It is not always easy to speak honestly.”
“You are not in trouble. I am really glad we are talking about it.”
“Trying something does not make you bad. You are still you and we are all human. We can talk about it and figure out what happens next.”
Be Curious
You don’t need to jump into solutions. Just stay curious, calm and open.
“What made you want to try it?”
“Was it just once or has it happened more than that?”
“Do your friends use them too?”
“How did it make you feel?”
If you found a vape but they haven’t said anything
Be honest, but be kind and calm. Try not to accuse, or blame as this will push them away.
“I found a vape in your bag earlier. I want to talk about it. I’m not here to tell you off. I just want to understand what’s been going on.”
“You are not in trouble. I know these things can be hard to talk about. I just want us to be honest with each other.”
Then give them space to respond. You might get anger, silence, or a shrug. That’s okay. Let them know the conversation can continue another time if they need it.
If they say something that surprises you
If your child says something that catches you off guard try not to panic. This is a clue about what is going on underneath.
“It helps me feel calm.”
“That makes sense. I know things can feel heavy sometimes. It might feel like it helps in the moment, but nicotine can make stress worse over time. I’d love to help you find something that actually works and keeps you well.” Share experiences about when you have been stressed and how you have coped to help them see that this doesn’t have to be the solution.
“Everyone at school does it.”
“It might feel that way, especially if people are doing it in the toilets or outside. But not everyone is using. I want you to make choices that are right for you.” Again there may be experiences here you can share from when you was in school and friends may have been smoking, perhaps you tried it yourself.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“I get that it might not feel like much now. But these products are designed to keep people hooked. I just want to protect your health.”
“It was only once.”
“Thank you for telling me. One time is enough to talk about it. Do you want to do it again? We can make a plan together so you feel supported.”
What if they get angry, defensive or shut down?
It can feel personal, but it is usually not. It’s a sign they are feeling exposed or overwhelmed. Stay calm.
“I can see this is upsetting. You are not in trouble. We can pause and talk later.”
“You are allowed to be cross. I’m still here, and we can try again when it feels better.”
“Let’s not force this. We’ll talk when it feels like the right time.”
If they walk away, come back to it gently later.
“Earlier didn’t go how either of us wanted. I’m still here. We can talk when you’re ready.”
If you smoke or vape too
Many parents worry that if they smoke or vape themselves, they have no authority to talk about it. But the opposite is often true. Your experience means you understand what nicotine does. You know how it feels to try to stop. You’ve seen the habits and the pull it has – and that makes you more relatable.
“You’re right, I do smoke. And I know how hard it is to stop. That’s exactly why I want to talk about it with you.”
“If I could go back and never start, I would. I don’t want this to be something you end up stuck with like I have been.”
“I’m thinking of quitting too. Maybe we can work on it together.”
Being honest about your own experiences builds trust. It shows your child that this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real, making thoughtful choices, and learning from the past. If someone else in the family has struggled with smoking, you can talk about that too.
“Your uncle smoked for years and really struggled to stop. I’ve seen how it affected him, and it’s something I want to protect you from.”
Being open shows that we all learn, grow, and care about the people we love and that’s a powerful message to pass on.
After the conversation
Keep the door open. Let them know this isn’t a one-off.
“Thanks for talking with me. I know that wasn’t easy.”
“If you ever want help to stop, we can do that together.”
“You don’t need to sort it all out today. I’ll always be here for you.”
You’re doing better than you think
There’s no perfect way to have these conversations. But the fact that you’re taking the time to care, to stay calm and to show up – that’s everything.
Even if it’s messy. Even if it doesn’t go how you imagined. What your child will remember is that you were kind, steady, and on their side.
That’s what changes everything.
Need Extra Help?
Help Me Quit Wales offers free, confidential support for young people aged 12 and up. Call 0800 085 2219 or visit www.helpmequit.wales.